Holiday Inn, Preston

It seems the hotels are more likely to respond than my brother. This week I had a reply from The Nare and couldn't resist sending a cheeky p.s.

Message from The Nare Hotel, Cornwall

"Dear Mr Lander,

Thank you for your email. I wonder if you could let me know your arrival date and contact details, so I call you regarding this matter.

Yours sincerely,

*** ***

Office Manager"

Message to The Nare Hotel, Cornwall

"Dear ***,

Thank you for your prompt reply. I'm currently in Dubai and so phone contact is limited, however I'm assuming you are able to provide the service by your response. I haven't yet booked to stay but I have family in Cornwall and will need to get a ghastly visit to them out of the way soon if possible. I look forward to staying with you and dining on my favourite sugar coated snack. If you could relieve the bowl of any orange coloured individuals I would be most grateful - I'm no Mariah Carey but chocolate orange is the work of the devil.

Kind regards,

T. Lander esq."

This week I have had a request and I don't like to be one to disappoint so I've sent this to the Holiday Inn in Preston and await their reply.

Message to The Holiday Inn, Preston

"Dear Sir/Madam/proprietary type,

During a recent visit to Dubai I stayed in a hotel where the owners raffle a new piece of art for their guests to win as it keeps the walls fresh after the purchase of new pieces from local artists. As a connoisseur in such things I would like to suggest raffling a new Picasso every week and would love to see the idea implemented during my next stay.

To keep you on your toes I will keep my visit date a secret but look forward to buying a strip and maybe taking home a piece of fine art. Local artists are nice but I find that Banksy a bit much.

Kind regards,

T. Lander esq."