I have come to the conclusion that, unlike black market stall holders, hotels aren't willing to be haggled down on the prices. I thought about offering them CDs or pamphlets in place of currency but I don't have that many rare or exotic pamphlets.
This week I thought I'd keep it short and sweet but then I started rambling as I'm prone to do.
Message to Hambleton Hall, Oakham
"Dear Sir/Madam/proprietary type,
Did I leave a coat with you on my previous visit?
I was perusing the wallpaper on one of your levels and seem to remember forgetting to pick it up. I wouldn't mind but it was a gift from my wife and my mother helped to pick it out so it has terrific sentimental value. It was once stepped on by HM The Queen (accidentally, alas; I am no valiant servant standing beside puddles) and contains a full packet of chewing gum.
I have also misplaced my mobile phone, a simple Nokia device with a picture of my good lady on the front screen. It is possible this is in the pocket of the coat hence I have asked for that item first. I apologise for my misfortune, I haven't replaced an item of clothing like this since I left my trousers in Inverdale. I should stress they were not the ones I was intending to wear for that day, more a spare pair.
Thank you for taking the time to look in your establishment, I hope we can collate myself and my outer layer as soon as possible.
#ThanksAgain,
T. Lander, esq."
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