The Reading Rooms, Margate

I was very disappointed with Hambleton Hall. Although they were good enough to ask for a description of my coat they failed miserably to find it.

Message from Hambleton Hall, Oakham

"Dear Mr. Lander,

Thank you for your e-mail message.

Please do let us know the brand/make of your coat and when have you visited us?

With kind regards,

Mrs. *** ***

Reservations

Hambleton Hall | Hambleton | Oakham | Rutland| LE15 8TH

T: 0044 (0) 1572 756991

F: 0044 (0) 1572 724721

w: www.hambletonhall.com"

Message to Hambleton Hall, Oakham

"Good day Mrs ***

I don't wish to cause alarm and I certainly would not recommend running around your hotel as anybody coming across my jacket will recognise it instantly. It is a leather/suede mix with red pockets and an orange lapel. The main body of the coat is black but in certain lights changes to a sumptuous brown/purple blend. The lining is 100% genuine llama from Switzerland but it does not look fluffy; it is more of a felt feel material.

I hope the jacket can be returned as I have spoken to my tailor about a replacement and his valuation has risen considerably. I realise this all sounds like I am trying to sell you the jacket but nothing could be further from the truth! There is no sentimental value attached as such but a local lad named Darren calls me the 'Coat man' yet, recently, he has all but ignored me.

Many thanks in advance, I hope you are able to track down my garment.

Kind regards,

T. Lander, esq."

Their lack of response concerned me.

Message to Hambleton Hall, Oakham

"Any luck with my coat, chaps?

Kind regards,

T. Lander, esq."

I doubt they even care about my coat despite how unique and therefore probably expensive it may have been.

This week I'm moving to the far South East...and then further afield.

Message to The Reading Rooms, Margate

"Dear Sir/Madam/proprietary type,

I need to get out of the country for obvious reasons. I'm thinking of staying at your establishment and swimming to Belgium to claim status as a Belgian immigrant. If I were able to pull off the feat would you be willing to burn my belongings and never mention this conversation again?

I would need a named contact at the hotel, a shower cap to protect my hair and some Buxton in the mini fridge (please no Perrier).

Many thanks for taking the time to read this, I hope you will be able to help discreetly.

Kind regards,

T. Lander, esq."